So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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