you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
