so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
