Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
