I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
