Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
