kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
