Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
