I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
porn star boner night. come get it.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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