just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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