i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
