Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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