that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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