okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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