I just pynch a tree in the face
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
