Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
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