He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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