3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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