Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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