I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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