my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Bring me that man meat
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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