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Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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