It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sober January is a disaster.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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