my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
