I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
