buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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