I hate your face
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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