I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
