he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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