One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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