i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
