the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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