I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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