Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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