Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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