Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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