the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
don't judge my taste in strippers
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
