i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
