We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
