Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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