I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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