So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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