I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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