Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
and you fell through a lawn chair
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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