Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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