I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm like, not good at living.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
