You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
