i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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