i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just cropdusted the office
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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