pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
